Tuesday, March 31, 2009

this might be a true story

Once upon a time there was a mother who always tried to do her very best. And one day, she realized that her son was getting older and might be ready to reach a new milestone – potty training. The mother had never potty trained anyone before and wasn’t really sure what to do but she was confident that she could get the job done, especially with such a smart son. So the mother talked about potty training with her son and bought him underpants to get him excited and got a cool looking potty chair for him (can a potty chair look cool?) Anyway, the mother really talked it all up, as she tended to do, and picked a date to begin – the Monday after they returned from vacation: P-Day.

What the mother couldn’t foresee was that her other son would develop a terrible ear infection the night before P-Day. AND, the mother hadn’t even thought about the fact that she would also have five other kids to watch and care for while she was trying to teach this one to eliminate waste only on the potty chair. Adding to her misery, she also decided to begin a diet that same day.

By noon, this poor, poor mother had changed her son’s entire outfit four times. They were 0 and 4. The other five children could sense her weakness and circled around her head like turkey buzzards as she continued diligently to coax her son to “just make some potty, please.” As her blood pressure continued to rise, large amounts of milk were spilled on the floor, one child ate a handful of sand, and someone threw up in the living room (strangely, she never found out who…) That afternoon, her son managed to make, not even exaggerating, ONE drop of urine. It was a miracle that was immediately rewarded with two M & M s for the son and two Tylenol for the mother.

The next day, the potty chair was gone. And it wasn’t seen again for a long, long time.

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