Tuesday, June 23, 2009

pivot, turn, shuffle

My mom made her annual visit to Elk City a couple weeks ago. As you can imagine, we had a fun-filled week of sightseeing and enjoying the arts here in Elk City. (I just lied.) One of the things we had on the agenda was to learn a few country line dances. I know you are probably thinking, “Why in the world were you and your mom trying to learn country line dances?” and the answer is that there is a reason but I can’t tell you. Well, I could tell you why but then I would have to kill you.

One time way back in high school, we all had to learn a whole bunch of dances. I realize now that it was probably because the teachers didn’t want to make up real lesson plans for the week but back then I thought it was just because they wanted to torture us. Anyway, there were somewhere around a hundred of us at a time in the gym learning to “electric slide and “boot scoot boogie” and the most entertaining part was watching the line in front of me. Because at the high school I went to, we were all white. And that stereotype about white people not being able to dance, well, it’s pretty true. Especially if those white people are high school football players in the off season.

That became even more apparent as my mother and I were attempting to learn some new dances. I am the reason the stereotype exists. I am white as paste and I cannot dance. I like to think I can, but I can’t. I also realized that I am pathetically out of shape. How can this be when I have a callous on my knee from bending down (shouldn’t that count as squats or something?) so much and I lift oddly-shaped 30 pound weights all day long? I was actually sore the next day – I guess I don’t use the electric sliding muscles much on a daily basis. Who knew?!?

At least now I know I can safely scratch “rhinestone cowboy boots” off my birthday wish list.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

a happy first birthday list

Wyatt’s first birthday was this weekend. Has it really been a year since I last went into labor? It’s so fresh in my mind; the moment I realized I was in labor, arriving at the hospital that seemed deserted, laying there waiting to be prepped for surgery, the epidural (will I EVER forget that? Probably not), the words, “You might feel a little pressure,” right before it felt like my intestines were being ripped from my abdomen, and of course, seeing Wyatt for the first time.
I’m not pregnant this summer (dare I type those words?!?) but I was last summer and two summers before that. And I enjoy summer a whole lot more when I am not pregnant. In honor of Wyatt’s birthday, I thought of a list of reasons why I’m glad that I am NOT pregnant right now. Here it is. One reason for every month I was pregnant.

1. No one is using my bladder as a soccer ball.
2. I can walk to the mailbox without getting winded.
3. I can paint my own toenails and shave my legs.
4. I like walking by Motherhood Maternity and not needing anything. Like the ever popular maternity thong. I had to go in there with a pregnant pal the other day and I came across the maternity thong. Seriously?
5. Acid reflux for nine months is no fun.
6. Old ladies don’t look at my belly and give me that knowing smile that says, “I know what you’ve been doing, Dearie.”
7. I can bend at the waist. It comes in handy when trying to work in the garden or helping a two-year-old put on his Elmo underpants, among other things.
8. As sexy as the “nursing bra/nursing nightgown/orthodontic retainer combo” is, I think Bryan was ready for me to ditch the pregnancy and nursing stuff and don my much sexier “old t-shirt and shorts with orthodontic retainer combo”.
9. I like being able to eat popcorn and diet coke for breakfast and not feeling guilty that someone might have been counting on today’s nutrients to develop a spine.

And there you have it. I love you, Wyatt!

Monday, June 8, 2009

and it goes a little something like this...

Vacation Summary
I have five days to start a new habit. I’m packing my tennis shoes and my shorts and the hotel has a very nice fitness room. Our friends sleep late so I’m going to make the most of my mornings by getting up a little earlier and getting some good, old-fashioned exercise. What a great way to spend part of my vacation.
Day 1
I accidentally slept until 10:30 but I was really tired from the drive so who can blame me. Maybe after we shop today I’ll go down and walk on the treadmill a bit in the fitness room.
Day 2
Oops. Slept in again. Tomorrow morning for sure. But I went for a leisurely dip in the pool last night and the fitness room looks really nice – could see it from the hot tub.
Day 3
Well, I got up earlier than anyone else today. And I found the piece of cake from Olive Garden last night in the fridge and ate it in bed. With a coffee stirrer because I couldn’t find a fork and using my own toothbrush to eat cake seemed a little barbaric. In my defense, I didn’t eat the whole piece. Didn’t make it to the fitness room.
Day 4
Got up early, finished the cake from yesterday (using another coffee stirrer). But there’s still one more day and I can start that one right! That cake was really, really good.
Day 5
Got up before 8:00 a.m. today but had to leave the hotel early – there was a breakfast buffet we wanted to hit before we left town. (Burp!)
Okay, so Monday it is – on Monday I start this new fitness thing. Yeah, that’s it.