Recently, a friend and I decided to do a little home version of “The Biggest Loser.” She was going to challenge her brother to it and I begged to be let in on it. I needed some motivation. It seems that over the years and through two pregnancies, I’ve lost my 6-pack abs and somehow they were replaced with a 2-liter.
So we weighed in via text message last week, on Monday. And this week I’ve been putting forth an honest effort. However, I’ve suffered some setbacks and I want to tell you about them.
First, I am trying to drink fewer calories. I think aside from milk, calories should not be wasted on anything that can be taken in through a straw. I am aware that many in the medical field say that diet soda is also not good and to them I say, “Shut up.” So when I have soda, it has been diet. Mostly. This summer the McDonald’s in our town (is it across the nation or just here?) has put all of their soft drinks, any size, on sale for $1. I go there to cash in on that great deal about once a week. This week, I ordered myself a large Diet Dr. Pepper. Zero calories, baby, even in a cup the size of a scuba tank! It has been so hot that I drank it down pretty quickly. And on the very last sip, I realized why it seemed even more refreshing than usual – it wasn’t diet at all. Those turds had given me regular Dr. Pepper – and probably about 600 calories.
In another attempt to be healthier, I went for a walk with my friend. We agreed to meet at the park in the evening, hoping it would be cooler. As I drove to the park at 7:00 p.m., I saw the bank marquis flashing that it was 106 degrees. But I didn’t let that deter me because, hey, there was a breeze at least. The loop around the track is 1.25 miles so I figured if I did that twice, I could call it exercise. It turns out, it wasn’t just a light breeze, but a 45 mph hot wind blowing in our faces from every direction. It was like someone was walking in front of us with their hair dryer on the hottest setting, blowing it right in our faces. We quickly decided that it probably was best to only do one loop – it didn’t even seem safe to be walking in such horrible heat. By the middle of the loop, it started to feel a little less hot, perhaps heat stroke was setting in, who knows? The walk ended quite nicely. I stopped sweating and there was a big purple hippopotamus giving out free jelly beans. And I was invisible but I could see with x-ray vision. And there were angels singing songs about staying away from fallen power lines.
After I regained consciousness, I planned all of my meals for the next day. I was going to eat so well! It was exciting to get through the whole day, having followed my plan and knowing that I had cut back on my calories and fat successfully – it wasn’t so hard after all. AND THEN Bryan came home. He had gotten us both Giant Krunch ice cream bars from the gas station as a surprise. The kind with 300 percent of your daily recommended fat intake. What was I supposed to do?!? If I told him I didn’t want it, I would be un-doing all my thoughtfulness training for the last four years! But if I ate the ice cream bar, I would be waving goodbye to my hopes of being the biggest loser for the week. And I could put it in the freezer, but that would only be prolonging the inevitable – me eating that delicious thing.
I ate it. And it was yummy. I had to or he would never bring me a thoughtful surprise again.
Stay tuned for week two.