Friday, February 6, 2009

Urethra, I have found it!!!

Sorry, I had to quote Kelly Bundy from Married With Children for the title. I realize that the word should actually be “eureka.”

I have an idea for an invention and I’m going to share it with you.

This week both of our boys got some kind of virus. It has not been fun. It started on Tuesday. Wesley had to go back to the doctor’s office to have a repeat oxygen level test to make sure he is recovering from walking pneumonia (which means that last week was a giant ball of laughs, too.) He doesn’t like to go to the doctor so I knew he would put up a fight. He was very quiet and un-Wesley-like while we waited in the exam room. When we were finally finished, I took him out and loaded him into the car. They locked the door behind us since we were the last customers of the day. As soon as I buckled the straps, Wesley said in a really puny voice, “Mommy my tummy hurts. And my mouth hurts.” I figured it was because he had worked himself up so much about the doctor. I was wrong. He opened his mouth and puked all over his car seat and himself. I was torn – do I stick my hands under the fountain of puke and try to unbuckle him to get him out of the car or do I just wait for him to finish erupting? I decided to get him out. We went back to the doctor’s office and knocked on the now locked door. They were gracious enough to let us use the restroom. I stripped Wesley down to his diaper and tried my best to wipe him off. It was not a shining moment in my career as a mother.

There really is no worse sound to wake up to than that of a two year old ralphing in his own bed. Luckily, Wesley’s bout with the virus only lasted 12 hours. Unfortunately, I have about seventeen loads of laundry to help me remember each of those 12 painful hours. And then Wyatt got the bug.

Back to the invention. There are machines that help predict earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. There are even dogs that can warn people when they are about to have a seizure. I think what we need is this: some kind of device to predict when a little kid is about to throw up. It would need to give about a two minute warning so you could get said kid out of the car seat or off the couch or off grandma’s handmade rug imported from Turkey. I think a really good name for it would be the Puke Predictor. And we could get that Billy Mays guy who yells everything to do the commercial for it. “ARE YOU TIRED OF YOUR CHILD THROWING UP IN INCONVENIENT PLACES? THEN THE PUKE PREDICTOR IS FOR YOU!!” This invention would all but eliminate incidences of what I call PWAW – or puking without adequate warning.

Feel free to go ahead and actually create one of these devices. I only ask two things: when you make your millions, send me a free Puke Predictor, and when you get to go on Oprah to show off your clever invention, let me be in the studio audience. That seems fair, right?

3 comments:

Sara... said...

Oh, I just can't wait to be a mother!

Sara... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jrh678 said...

I would so buy that!