four years and counting

This weekend Bryan’s family threw a surprise party for his grandparents’ 55th wedding anniversary. His grandma doesn’t like surprises or “fuss” and so it was a little up in the air as to whether or not she would be happy about it. Afterwards, she said that whoever’s idea it had been could forget about a Christmas present this year. I think that means she took it pretty well.

Anyway, the party was what you could call a success. I am putting the finishing touches on a little scrapbook that we made for them and I’ve been searching for some marriage quotes for the front cover. Here are some ones that I really liked, although they perhaps aren’t appropriate for an anniversary scrapbook…

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met.Rodney Dangerfield

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city." George Burns.

“Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts”-Jeff Foxworthy

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." -Erma Bombeck


“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.” -Billy Connolly

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."-Henry Youngman

Happy Anniversary, to the two coolest cats I know! And if Bryan and I make it to our 55th anniversary, we don't want anyone to throw us a little party. We want a parade.

it's JUST like us!

I was visiting with Bryan's family today and I overheard someone speaking of how their teenage daughter and her boyfriend interact. Apparently, the boy is head-over-heels for her. The phrase that I heard was, "When she says, 'Jump!' he says, 'How high?' " And it struck me how much that couple is just like Bryan and me.

Like when I say, "Jump!" Bryan always says, "Did you say something? And why are you out of the kitchen anyway?"

Uncanny, isn't it?

now, about that resolution...

Okay, I really only made one resolution for the new year. It was, in case you don’t remember, to put a quarter into a jar every time we “knock boots”. And at the end of the year, we are going to use the money to go out and have a really nice dinner. I need to tell you that this was all my idea and Bryan was merely the silent victim. (Bryan would want me to mention that.)

I guess when I made the resolution, I envisioned us, at the end of the year, pouring a mountain of quarters out of the jar, changing them in at the bank, and eating at the Cheesecake Factory. That’s where I really want to go. Unfortunately, I hadn’t done the math when I envisioned this. I think it’s a little early to throw in the towel. But as I look into the jar and see, well, let’s just say January has been a slow month, I know that it is time to revise. A little revision for my resolution – and I’ll call it my revisolution. Because without a revisolution, we will be lucky to share a Grand Slam at Denny’s.

So from this point on for each instance of red hot righteous monogamy I will be depositing a dollar instead of a quarter. I think it’s our only hope towards eating at a restaurant that doesn’t serve beverages in Styrofoam cups.

Heck, with that kind of money we should even be able to leave a tip!

my take on resolutions

I have a secret – other people talk about how making new year’s resolutions is so stupid, but I love making resolutions. There is just something so hopeful about pretending a new year will make it easier to have some self discipline. It wasn’t until last year that I realized that I never keep my resolutions. Or at least hardly ever. A few years ago I gave up soda and potato chips for my resolutions. I kept them for six months and then I let myself have them both again. I was pretty proud that I made it that long. But I love me some potato chips.

The most disappointing thing about my resolutions is that they aren’t even original – lose weight, get out of debt, stop hiding dead bodies in the crawl space – the same resolutions everyone else has. So this year I didn’t make any resolutions. Instead, I made a list of resolutions that I’m glad I don’t have to make. Does that make any sense?

Here they are…
Have electrolysis on my back hair.
Have tattoos reading “Mark” and “Will” removed from my left butt cheek.
Find out who my baby daddy is.
Stop pooping on the neighbor’s mailbox and yard decorations. (hopefully the neighbor’s dog WILL make this one.)


But I did make one sort of resolution. Mom, if you are reading this, you might want to stop now. I decided that this year, every time Bryan and I engage in, you know, red hot righteous monogamy, I am going to put a quarter in a container. And at the end of 2009 we will use the money to go out and have a really nice dinner. Like steaks and appetizers and wine at a really fancy place. Or if 2009 is anything like 2008, we will split a cheeseburger at McDonald’s. Here’s to a great 2009!